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Conversations: behaviours

· core beliefs

When I started to understand core beliefs and that how I had been acting was a representation of what I believed and how I felt and how I had acted in the past. My first thoughts were. How do I work out what my core beliefs are? How do I know what created that core belief. I felt lost in a sea of my past. I was frozen and stuck.

But I realised it wasn't about knowing the exact core belief, or where it had come from. It was about understanding the behaviours and how it made me feel.

For example: I've talked about I am not worthy core belief and it manifests these days by me putting a wall up (see previous post). I didn't need to know what the core belief was to understand that I am putting walls up and not connecting with people the way I want to. That's all I need to understand. To be aware of my behaviours and patterns. And the way I did that was by understanding those moments I just felt yuck or inauthentic, or would go home and pick at myself. Question everything I said, spiral into a dark place of torment that I wasn't perfect. Life, the universe supports you when you are ready to discover these patterns.

Be aware of when you are being triggered; having a strong emotional knee-jerk reaction to something. That is an opportunity to look at that situation, so it doesn't happen again. I'll be honest. It's not always nice to admit things about yourself, but if you can't be real with yourself, then who can? And by understanding and learning kindness for yourself, you can change these behaviours, these patterns. Because these are not the beautiful soul that you are, they are just patterns and behaviours that you are now unlearning.

Once you understand that there is something that triggered you, then take a couple of minutes to sit and understand what was it that made you feel that way and what was your reaction. By understanding these two things, next time you can be aware of what the trigger is and can choose to act differently. This realisation might not come the first, second or even the third time, but it does happen.

Here is an example. A couple of weeks ago I had a moment where I was triggered. I don't have as many moments where I am unconsciously triggered, but I still have them. I was delivering a training session and the person I was working with questioned whether I would finish the session on time. I said yes. They questioned me again. I've been training for 17 years and have never not met an objective when delivering a session. That's the place I came from when I answered. The answer was a bit snappier than I had planned, but still polite. But actually I was pissed off ( see strong emotional reaction). I've been training for over 17 years. Are you seeing my pattern here?

This was my ego responding. I was being triggered. I don't need to know what the core belief is to change the pattern. But the realisation was: I don't like being questioned when I think I know better. Ummmm. Guess what, it was ok for the other person to check with me, to ask the question. Had something not triggered me, I wouldn't have reacted like that. So next time this happens, I can choose how I respond. I can take a breath. Get back to my place of centre. Understand that this is just me being triggered and respond with openness, rather than reacting. This will open the conversation up, rather than shutting it down.

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